[ he said they could come find him in the mountains, so... that's exactly what they do, although not for several hours after the trial ends. They needed time by themself to mull over everything that happened tonight. There's the matter with the girl, and the killing, and how she was evidently made to do it against her will - but that didn't shake them nearly as much as finding out their poison was ineffective against everyone, not just Shess.
Their poison was a useful weapon back home, and they'd finally been necessary to the others because of it - they're aware. For the first time, they'd been useful. Losing that usefulness scares them terribly - like the world is conspiring to keep them useless. It should be a good thing - they want to believe it's a good thing. But, as always, they're wracked with anxiety, unable to believe that something good like that would really happen to them, and after swimming in indecision and unhappiness for a few hours, they go to seek him out, if only to talk about it with someone.
It takes a lot of energy for them to even do that much. They're sure they're bothering him; he barely knows them, after all. But Cinnabar eventually makes it nonetheless. ]
[there was almost a chance shess wouldn't be—he's had to check up on a lot of people, and generally, those people haven't run up to the mountains to isolate themselves. but luckily for cinnabar, he is. once he hears cinnabar's voice, he quickly pops on over.]
[ as soon as he actually answers, they feel nervous again. What are they doing here, anyway? They have nothing to say that has anything to do with him - nothing at all. All they're doing is embarrassing themself. This should be something they're happy about. They should just be normal now. ]
It's good to be able to talk to someone about your problems, sometimes.
But you have more to offer than just poison. Even though you didn't know exactly what a bear was, you still correctly figured one would be protective of their children. While we don't know exactly what provoked the creature, ideas like that are useful.
[ they hesitate, again. Of course there are things they're curious about. Everything here is brand new to them. However, in their current state of mind, they're not feeling particularly keen on learning. All they want is to stop feeling this way. ]
... I don't think you can tell me what I want to know... Nobody can. That's why I'm alone.
[ they already know. He'll tell them something like "just existing is enough," like Sensei had. If that was true, why do they feel so guilty for doing it? The poison is welling up in their eyes again, but they don't let it fall. ]
You may be right. But if you're certain no one else can help you, then the only answer left is that you have to find a way to help yourself, however impossible the idea sounds to you.
[ can they go on that much longer the way they have been? The idea scares them. ]
... I see.
[ in that case, they should take advantage of it while they can. Their worries about becoming useless to the other gems would be for naught. Still, they can't help feeling unhappy about the idea of it coming back. Neither option is comforting to them. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 0 sssaturday!!
Their poison was a useful weapon back home, and they'd finally been necessary to the others because of it - they're aware. For the first time, they'd been useful. Losing that usefulness scares them terribly - like the world is conspiring to keep them useless. It should be a good thing - they want to believe it's a good thing. But, as always, they're wracked with anxiety, unable to believe that something good like that would really happen to them, and after swimming in indecision and unhappiness for a few hours, they go to seek him out, if only to talk about it with someone.
It takes a lot of energy for them to even do that much. They're sure they're bothering him; he barely knows them, after all. But Cinnabar eventually makes it nonetheless. ]
... Are you here?
no subject
What is it, Cinnabar?
no subject
[ as soon as he actually answers, they feel nervous again. What are they doing here, anyway? They have nothing to say that has anything to do with him - nothing at all. All they're doing is embarrassing themself. This should be something they're happy about. They should just be normal now. ]
N-nevermind. I'll leave you alone.
no subject
Is this about how bears don't lay eggs?
[like. just checking.]
no subject
Huh? No, someone else explained that to me...
[ rip cinnabar's sense of humor, we never knew ya ]
no subject
[thank god shess doesn't have to]
Did you want some company, then?
no subject
[ yes, that's exactly what they want, but they're too proud to say it. They stay standing a good distance away, gaze dropping to the floor. ]
I found out today. My poison doesn't affect anybody here.
no subject
How do you feel about that?
no subject
[ they bite their bottom lip. ]
... I don't know. I should be happy, but... everything feels the same. I'm still... like this.
[ they know - they can't change who they are overnight. It's still frustrating. It's shameful. ]
no subject
no subject
[ it's not logical, but it's the truth. Their hands ball up into fists. ]
But if I don't... I might be even more useless than I ever was when I did. [ ... ] ... I don't know why I'm even telling you this.
no subject
But you have more to offer than just poison. Even though you didn't know exactly what a bear was, you still correctly figured one would be protective of their children. While we don't know exactly what provoked the creature, ideas like that are useful.
no subject
Stupid. You're reaching... I knew less than every single other person here.
no subject
no subject
[ they can't wear the gloves for too long, though, or the poison will seep right through. Then they'll be out of luck. ]
... Even if it doesn't hurt people, the poison is still there. I'd stain the books if I touched them with these hands.
no subject
Then, is there anything you're curious about? I'm not the most informed person either, but if you're ever confused, I don't mind explaining.
[usually......]
no subject
[ they hesitate, again. Of course there are things they're curious about. Everything here is brand new to them. However, in their current state of mind, they're not feeling particularly keen on learning. All they want is to stop feeling this way. ]
... I don't think you can tell me what I want to know... Nobody can. That's why I'm alone.
[ why are they here? ]
no subject
What is it, if you don't mind me asking?
no subject
[ they already know. He'll tell them something like "just existing is enough," like Sensei had. If that was true, why do they feel so guilty for doing it? The poison is welling up in their eyes again, but they don't let it fall. ]
You can't do anything for me. So why am I here...
no subject
no subject
[ a shaky breath. ]
... Do you think it's gone forever?
[ they don't know if they should hope that it is or pray that it isn't. ]
no subject
[he shakes his head.]
I doubt it. It'll likely return to you once you're back in your world.
no subject
... I see.
[ in that case, they should take advantage of it while they can. Their worries about becoming useless to the other gems would be for naught. Still, they can't help feeling unhappy about the idea of it coming back. Neither option is comforting to them. ]
Then... I guess I should be happy.
no subject
no subject
... Shess. What do you do back where you live? You must have a job.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)