[ they hesitate, again. Of course there are things they're curious about. Everything here is brand new to them. However, in their current state of mind, they're not feeling particularly keen on learning. All they want is to stop feeling this way. ]
... I don't think you can tell me what I want to know... Nobody can. That's why I'm alone.
[ they already know. He'll tell them something like "just existing is enough," like Sensei had. If that was true, why do they feel so guilty for doing it? The poison is welling up in their eyes again, but they don't let it fall. ]
You may be right. But if you're certain no one else can help you, then the only answer left is that you have to find a way to help yourself, however impossible the idea sounds to you.
[ can they go on that much longer the way they have been? The idea scares them. ]
... I see.
[ in that case, they should take advantage of it while they can. Their worries about becoming useless to the other gems would be for naught. Still, they can't help feeling unhappy about the idea of it coming back. Neither option is comforting to them. ]
Well, yes. Not all of it is occupied with work, though.
[he tilts his head.]
But to give a proper answer... I run errands on behalf of others, mostly, or look out for situations that might need my involvement. My clan is neutral, so we don't interfere in things we don't need to, but because of that, I can also take a position that others can't.
I've also been looking after a child for the last few decades, though I wouldn't consider that a "job".
[ Cinnabar rubs at their eyes again, flicking away some mercury as they slump against a nearby wall. They feel so tired. But they know sleep won't come easily. ]
There used to be almost twice that number... but some of the others betrayed us. That's why I'm useful now. Other gems don't stand a chance against my poison.
[ their eyes can't help but widen at that. Millions of people - it's impossible to even imagine. Their society is so tiny and close-knit; everyone has to work together to survive. What do that many people even do? How is there enough for everyone? It sounds like it can't be true. But Cinnabar finds Shess easy to believe. ]
... I should have known. You're animals, after all. [ the other gems probably don't know about it, but they're well aware of how snails and insects multiply year after year. ] With so many people, you could never be lonely.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ they can't wear the gloves for too long, though, or the poison will seep right through. Then they'll be out of luck. ]
... Even if it doesn't hurt people, the poison is still there. I'd stain the books if I touched them with these hands.
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Then, is there anything you're curious about? I'm not the most informed person either, but if you're ever confused, I don't mind explaining.
[usually......]
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[ they hesitate, again. Of course there are things they're curious about. Everything here is brand new to them. However, in their current state of mind, they're not feeling particularly keen on learning. All they want is to stop feeling this way. ]
... I don't think you can tell me what I want to know... Nobody can. That's why I'm alone.
[ why are they here? ]
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What is it, if you don't mind me asking?
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[ they already know. He'll tell them something like "just existing is enough," like Sensei had. If that was true, why do they feel so guilty for doing it? The poison is welling up in their eyes again, but they don't let it fall. ]
You can't do anything for me. So why am I here...
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[ a shaky breath. ]
... Do you think it's gone forever?
[ they don't know if they should hope that it is or pray that it isn't. ]
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[he shakes his head.]
I doubt it. It'll likely return to you once you're back in your world.
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... I see.
[ in that case, they should take advantage of it while they can. Their worries about becoming useless to the other gems would be for naught. Still, they can't help feeling unhappy about the idea of it coming back. Neither option is comforting to them. ]
Then... I guess I should be happy.
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... Shess. What do you do back where you live? You must have a job.
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[ much, much older, actually. ]
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[he tilts his head.]
But to give a proper answer... I run errands on behalf of others, mostly, or look out for situations that might need my involvement. My clan is neutral, so we don't interfere in things we don't need to, but because of that, I can also take a position that others can't.
I've also been looking after a child for the last few decades, though I wouldn't consider that a "job".
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... There must be a lot of people in your world. Even though it's full of poison...
[ more people, more things to do - even living for a million years, you could find a place for yourself, maybe. ]
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However, you're not wrong. Are there only a few people where you're from?
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[ Cinnabar rubs at their eyes again, flicking away some mercury as they slump against a nearby wall. They feel so tired. But they know sleep won't come easily. ]
There used to be almost twice that number... but some of the others betrayed us. That's why I'm useful now. Other gems don't stand a chance against my poison.
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Yes, compared to my world, that's an extremely small number. Others here would probably think the same.
Humans reproduce often, as does my kind. There are millions of us.
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... I should have known. You're animals, after all. [ the other gems probably don't know about it, but they're well aware of how snails and insects multiply year after year. ] With so many people, you could never be lonely.
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But until then, some people find it easy to feel overlooked in a crowd.
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[ they stare at the ground. ]
Were you overlooked? Or did you have somewhere you belonged?
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Why do you ask?
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... I want to know.
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Most people experience loneliness at some point in their lives. Many races are social creatures, after all.
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[ he's probably not like them, they think. If he was, he'd want to find someone that understood, too. ]
I'm leaving now. [ a beat. ] If you really think I have more to offer...
[ another pause. Then they shake their head, pulling themself away from the wall and turning, beginning to walk off without finishing their thought. ]
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